1. |
Some Hill
03:22
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create and collate until it feels the way it should
that may never be, maybe my attempts weren't all that good
will I save myself while there's still self enough to save
as I watch it cooling I would love to cast it back into the flames
sitting on some hill watching people drive their cars
they are in a maze where the exit is the start
life is just so rigid, all these pathways, all these lanes
the freest of them all are still beholden to the lions that they tame
I don't wanna feel anything
I don't wanna feel anything anymore
a stupid fucking struggle that seems very very small
I hate the way I hate the way I feel about it all
while villages get bombed I'm just sitting in my bed
trying very hard to change the pattern of the traffic in my head
I don't wanna feel anything
I don't wanna feel anything anymore
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2. |
Get By
02:42
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wake up and wait to get by
wait to get high
wait to feel warm
I stretch my hopes for a winter
that does me much better
than the one that came before
'cause October marks a year since I spent time inside
the place they send the overflow of young attempted suicides
I remember that day vividly, I read the sign outside
"the hospital for people that don't like hospitals"
yeah fuckin' right
wake up and wait to get high
wait to get high
forget your name
I stretch my hopes for a slumber
that does me the favor
of blacking out your face
'cause October marks a year since I spent time inside
the place they send the overflow of young attempted suicides
I remember that day vividly, I read the sign outside
"the hospital for people that don't like hospitals"
well they fuckin' lied
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3. |
Continuously
03:47
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all I feel like I do is exist
throw fits, feel like shit, remember this
you'll spend a lifetime looking for an easy way
there is no easy exit, face it
so I change my search up looking for the killswitch
whatever could stop this, whatever could stop this pain
pacing pacing pacing don't feel free
facing facing facing dark reality
tracing tracing tracing the poison in my family tree
continuously
all I really do is sit
swing miss, waiting for my chariot
can't tell a soul been thinkin' bout an easy way
that's the one exception you permit
they could take you away if you admit
you've been feelin', you've been feelin' like that slow fade
pacing pacing pacing don't feel free
facing facing facing dark reality
tracing tracing tracing the poison in my family tree
continuously
I've been depressed darlin', tryin' to figure it out
I dream about death often, it's all I think about now
I wish I was someone better than me
continuously
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4. |
Darkness
02:30
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wake up in darkness, sleep in the darkness
waiting for darkness to swallow me whole
wake up in darkness, sleep in the darkness
the darkness is home and it's all that I know
wake up in darkness, sleep in the darkness
waiting for darkness to take full control
wake up in darkness, sleep in the darkness
when you get older you do what you're told
when you get older you do what you're told
waiting for darkness, hating the darkness
flipping the switches that twitch in my head
waiting for darkness, hating the darkness
remembering darkness in all things I've said
waiting for darkness, hating the darkness
Japanese dream catcher over my bed
waiting for darkness, hating the darkness
when you get older you wish you were dead
when you get older you wish you were dead
I try to be calm
I try to move on but it's hard
I wish I was strong
I wish I was strong but I'm not
killing the darkness, killing the darkness
feeling it breathe in the palm of my hand
killing the darkness, killing the darkness
the darkness is me and I'm all that I am
killing the darkness, killing the darkness
pushing and pulling perception and sand
killing the darkness, killing the darkness
when you get older you won't understand
when you get older you won't understand
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5. |
Weird Mood
04:01
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I'm in such a weird mood
there's nowhere I can go to
so I'm walkin' room to room
with smoke in my blood
and you can bet I'm getting drunk tonight
in an attempt to even up the sides
in what I'd say is a fixed fight
between the bad and the good
but all the salt in the ocean couldn't make me right
all the salt in the ocean couldn't make me right
all the salt in the ocean couldn't make me right
all the salt in the ocean couldn't make me right
I'm in such a weird mood
there's no one I can talk to
so I find an empty room
and lie on the floor
and you can bet I'm sleeping well tonight
with help from pills that I've been prescribed
sedation filling in behind my eyes
for thirteen hours or more
but all the salt in the ocean couldn't make me right
all the salt in the ocean couldn't make me right
all the salt in the ocean couldn't make me right
all the salt in the ocean couldn't make me right
and I promise you
I'm just in a weird mood
yeah I promise you
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6. |
Hospital
03:46
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there is no rock
but your strongest rope tied to the rotting beam of a weather-beaten dock
on the shore of the hospital
on the shore of the hospital
and the water's clean
so it's comforting to remind yourself of where you used to be
in a room at the hospital
in a room at the hospital
aggravated and distraught
my blood is taken from me
and then charted like the stars
there is no rock
but your strongest rope tied to the rotting beam of a weather-beaten dock
and the water's clean
so it's comforting to remind yourself of where you used to be
in a room at the hospital
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7. |
Change
03:52
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change means a hurricane
through a mobile court by the interstate
but no one is ever gonna get it
thoughts remain that
why should he say it when he knows
that these are the problems that everybody must have
yeah the problems that everyone has
maybe if I sit still enough I'll turn to stone
maybe if I close my eyes real hard I can shrink the size of the sun
smoking more than breathing
he wakes up but it's more like sleeping
and eating is more like waging a war
yeah you've heard this all before
still I know you're never gonna get it
thoughts remain that
why should he say it when he knows
that there are the problems that everybody must have
yeah the problems that only I have
are the problems that everyone has
maybe if I sit still enough I'll turn to stone
maybe if I close my eyes real hard I can shrink the size of the sun
maybe if I go to sleep I won't wake up
maybe if I go to sleep I won't wake up
but maybe if I stop blurring all the edges
I could get to this box I've kept buried under rocks
in the backyard of my parent's house
maybe if I go to sleep I won't wake up
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8. |
The Body
02:15
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my heart hates me
I feel it kick
it would escape if it could kick harder
but what's a heart mean
I hope it's nothing
'cause if it's something then it's everything
throwing up in a bathroom at your sister's house
feeling small, starting over in a womb
it is close, maybe too close, I can rest my head on the sink
feeling small entirely useless and alone
feeling small entirely useless and alone
my body hates me
I feel it twitch
it's filled with bad food, drugs and liquor
if I could come clean
then I would shake me
I'd hang myself out on that white clothesline
throwing up in a bathroom at your sister's house
feeling small, starting over in a womb
it is close, maybe too close, I can rest my head on the sink
feeling small entirely useless and alone
feeling small entirely useless and alone
feeling small entirely useless and alone
feeling small entirely useless and alone
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9. |
24
04:18
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on the night that I turned 24
I was walking out the door
to my busted up car
never mind the state I'm in
I'll be back this way again
but probably not
on the night that I turned 24
on the night that I turned 24
now I'm no longer 23
I drown in ambiguity
the poison throes of apathy
still comin' on strong
never mind the shape I'm in
I swear some day we'll talk again
but probably not
on the night that I turned 24
on the night that I turned 24
next year I'll be 25
I'm hopin' that I'm still alive
but who fuckin' knows
a quarter in a torn up bag
I multiply but they subtract
still feels like I'm short
on the night that I turned 24
on the night that I turned 24
on the night that I turned 24 I had not known yet what I'd be
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10. |
Send for Me
04:20
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I just can't remember
the last time I felt anything
nothing seems important
until I'm drowning
won't you comfort me
amongst the burning trees
and the crumbling cities
won't you comfort me
I'm the worst offender
I've never finished anything
everything's so pointless
until I'm bleeding
won't you send for me
amongst the burning trees
and the crumbling cities
won't you send for me
I don't wanna wake, I don't wanna wake, I don't wanna wake, I don't wanna wake, I don't wanna wake up
I just can't remember
the last time I felt anything
nothing seems important
until I'm drowning
won't you comfort me
amongst the burning trees
and the crumbling cities
won't you send for me
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Shoun Dempsey Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
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